How to say ‘No’ to your kid the right way
So your 4 years old tiny tot has started crying because you said no to his pleas for buying him too many chocolates. You might first ignore but later on, moved by the tears you finally give in. Saying No is really a difficult task. More so, when parents have to say “No” to their children. But if you would practice a few recommendations, you will establish and retain your position by remaining firm and unmoved. Here are a few tips to remember when you say no to your kids:
Don’t be overly sentimental
Many parents find it difficult to say “No” to their kids because they love their children unconditionally and don’t want to hurt them. Now picture this: You visit a grocery store with your daughter and she started insisting to buy an entire jar of candies but as an ideal parent you didn’t approve. She started crying and sobbing. Moved by her tears you condescended a bit and agreed to buy her a few candies but she wouldn’t settle for less, she need the entire jar.
Be firm, not flexible
Actually as an ideal parent you should set the firm limits that cannot be relieved at all. In the above example, as you softened and agreed on buying a few candies for your daughter, it conveyed a message that you are flexible. It also encouraged her to emotionally manipulate you. So she didn’t settle for the easy deal and kept on crying until you finally agreed to buy her the entire jar. Deviation, even an inch, from your decision is not desirable at all!
Many parents have a guilty feeling. Obviously, if you would see your child crying incessantly just for a jar of candies, you might think that you are spoiling their childhood experience. Especially if you have brought a good lot of stuff for yourself, then making your child cry just for a jar of candies seems to be so callous. But you have to focus on your intention and not the action. You don’t want to have a complete jar of candies because it is not good for her oral health, not because you want to save a few bucks. Sometimes, you need strict actions to carry out your good intentions.
Look from adult’s perspective
The child is crying because he looks at the situation from a child’s perspective. Your daughter wants to enjoy the taste of all the candies in the jar, which is not practically possible, anyhow. But as an adult you know that it will damage her oral health. Also approving her wrong demands will make her grow into a stubborn teenager. Here you need to curb your sentiments and think logically. You, as a parent of child, should lead him, not be led by him. “The child is the father of a man” does, definitely, not suit here!
Don’t let the society force you
Sometimes, the parents might be indirectly forced by the society for changing their “No” to “Well, Ok!” Right from your own family members, friends and even complete strangers can make you rethink over your decision. When your neighbor says “She’s just a kid!” with her eyebrows raised, you feel really embarrassed for being so strict. Or it might be a complete stranger at a supermarket “Such a lovely kid, buy her one!” What? Even a stranger cares for your daughter more than you? Obviously you give in.
Think of the long term effects
Don’t be affected by any outside pressure. No one knows your kids better than you. They might be moved by the tears of your child, or their innocent, sad face. That’s a momentary act of kindness. But you have to think for the long term. As a parent you need to craft their future and discipline has to play a vital role here. So instead of feeling sorry for your kid’s tears, you should rather foresee him growing up as a well-disciplined and confident teenager. So you should actually be appreciated, rather than criticized, for making your child a disciplined human being.